The Effectual Blindness of the Eternal Huntsman

Sometimes it seems like children are actually smarter than most adults. They don't know as much, obviously, but they see more. Or maybe they don't see more, but they are not afraid to tell you what they see. As adults, a lot of us make believe that we can't see things in our lives that are glaringly obvious. Whether it's a developing relationship with someone outside of your marriage or relationship, a growing dependence on alcohol, or a subtle change in personality that would come with unpleasant or unsavory situations in your life, a child will immediately call you on it. They have bloodhound-like noses for changes in demeanor. If a child tells you something about yourself, it's probably true.

This pure, uninhibited ability to recognize things that should be alarming is something that we learn to suppress as we get older. The less we acknowledge disturbing realizations throughout each day, the calmer the waters remain on the surfaces of the delicate lakes that are our lives. What goes on beneath the surface is of no consequence as long as everything appears well to passing boaters. Those passing boaters are your coworkers, friends, your spouse or partner, your kids. As I said before, the kids seem to be the ones that will jump into the water and drag up things that you were happy to ignore. It's hard to say whether or not we should do the same thing as adults. Truth tends to breed chaos.

It might not be the best idea to express childlike honesty with everyone around you, but it is probably a good idea to be childishly honest with yourself most of the time. It's a shame that as we age and we develop complex emotions and desires, our brains simultaneously develop complex defense mechanisms to protect us from them. We never get the chance to truly face ourselves with complete vulnerability. The end result is that we can go years living lives that we never actually wanted and convince ourselves that we are doing great. The bills are paid, you have a great boyfriend, girlfriend or spouse, your car is running and you aren't hungry. It's all so good that to be unhappy with any of it would just be silly.

Sometimes living the dream just isn't the right thing. Everyone is so different that there is no conceivable way that we all want the same thing. We are led to believe over the early years of our lives that there are certain things that we are supposed to have by a certain point in our lives, so we convince ourselves that we need those things. I don't know many people who do not want spouses, homes of their own, and children, and it is fine and healthy to want all of that. I sometimes wonder, though, if some people would still chase those things if they had never been taught to want them.

I think that many times, in regards to many things, it takes having something to make you realize that you don't want it. In that way, I suppose we do remain like children. We always want the next thing; the next date, the next step, the next commitment the way we wanted the next toy or the next video game as children. It's only when we get our hands on these things that we ever stop and say, "okay, now what?" It all comes down to the chase. In order to feel alive, we need to be chasing something. Our ancient ancestors chased berries and buffalo, today we chase milestones and marriages. Whatever your trophy, life loses some of its zest once the hunt is over.

The Great Quest for the Mediocre

I am not a love guru by any stretch of the imagination. So do yourself a favor and take everything I say with a grain of salt, and also a shot of hard liquor if it suits your taste. With that disclaimer out of the way I will say this; STOP LOOKING FOR LOVE! Love is kind of like a lost TV remote, you are only going to find it when you are not really looking for it; most likely when you have too many things going on to even care to find it. The kids are late for the bus, there is oatmeal on the kitchen floor, the cat has a urinary tract infection and you are struggling to stuff yourself into a pair of jeans that you could have sworn fit last week; and then you stub your toe on the fucking thing as you hobble past the dishwasher. Who the hell puts the remote under the dishwasher? It's the same guy who puts your soul mate in your boyfriend's fantasy football league or in your wife's book club, or behind the counter at the coffee shop taking your order when you haven't shaved for three days or worked out for eight months. Yea that guy's an asshole, but he never takes a day off.

Now before you go and say, "soul mate? You believe in soul mates?" No, I don't, but I do believe that some people are better for you than others. The problem is that most of us don't wait for that person to come around. We LOOK for relationships when we are single, and that's a terrible idea, you fool. You are just setting everyone up for delayed failure. What I mean by that is that when you are actively searching for that "special" someone, you are far too likely to overlook things that should tell you to pass to the next one. I'm talking about deal breakers. We all have them, but the more desperate you get, the more deal breakers you will let slip through the cracks until you settle on someone that would normally be a walking billboard for the phrase "no, thank you." Then about six months in, after the new-love smell wears off and when the bubbly fits of joy that come with laying eyes on each other start losing their bubble, you are then stuck getting to know each other. Oh, shit.

This is where most couples fail. If the person with whom you have ended up came to you at a time when all you wanted was someone to be with, then the chances that you are going to grow more fond of this person with the passage of time are very slim. It's not to say that there is anything wrong with wanting someone in your life. Everyone gets lonely, but don't compromise what you want in a person just so that you can have somebody in your life. There are so many people out there that there is no reason to constantly be searching for your next chance at love. And if you need to satisfy your primal urges and don't want to take home floozies or douchebags from the bar, then what's wrong with a good old-fashioned fuck buddy? Some people get uptight about that, but isn't it nice to have a friend that you know and trust whom you can also fuck from time to time? Just as long as things don't become "complicated." FB's need to be on the same page emotionally if nobody is going to get hurt.

Like I said at the beginning of this post, I'm no expert in the field of love and romance; but the whole experience is so different from case to case that I don't believe that the "experts" can be truly clairvoyant on the subject either. In my humble and unschooled opinion, the only thing that seems to matter outside of the obvious initial attraction is honesty.You need to be able to speak truth, and even more, you need to be ready to hear it. If you are going to give part of your life to someone else, you better make sure that you can honestly be yourself with that person. If you have to hide a portion of your personality from someone, you are not with the right someone.

I'm not exactly sure what makes me want to post this type of advice here. I guess I'm sick of seeing everyone around me live out the same pattern of systematic disappointment over and over again. Stop adapting your standards in order to make people fit. Your standards are there for a reason and there are plenty of people who fit them. Your chances of finding them; meh, you have a better chance of catching a winning lottery ticket out of the bolt of lightning that strikes and kills a shark just as it is about to drag you underwater.

Praise Be to Booze and Peace Be with You

A very drunk man approached me at a bar and asked me if I have faith. He was skinny and had the posture of a buoy on a breezy lake. Being fairly sloshed myself, I told him that yes, I have faith in a lot of things. I already knew that this man was going to try to change my outlook on Heaven and the Earth. I gave him a minute to digest my words as he blankly stared through me and allowed the gears to turn in his drowning brain. He clarified his question to me.

"Do you have faith in something up above?" he asked me. At this point I could tell that his intentions were pure and harmless so I actually felt a little guilty for my opening smartassery. I looked at him in the eyes and knew that I was about to disappoint him, but I continued regardless.

"To be completely honest with you," I said, "no, I don't." I felt something for this man that was somewhere between pity and kinship, and I can't really explain why. Maybe he just has a good soul or some horse shit like that, but I felt the need to be honest with him. I saw a flicker of sadness cross his face and continued. "I think that it is up to us as individuals to look out for each other and make sure that the world doesn't go to hell." I guess looking back, it's not the most profound thing I've ever said but I was drunkenly on my heels in the first place so I think I did okay, considering. The look that came across his face was as if someone had just revealed to him that he was the sacred bearer of the great secret meaning of life. I could have sworn that I saw a golden light wash across his countenance for just a second as he absorbed my acute wisdom.

He smiled, shook my hand and introduced himself as... fuck, I don't remember. He then proceeded back to his seat where he was confronted and escorted out of the bar by an employee. I don't know what he did to get kicked out of a dive bar before I enlightened him, but I hope that he has been saved. Praise the Lord Baby Jesus.

As "Real" as it Gets, For Now...

Okay, this is the first real post on this blog. I'm still considering which topics should grace the seminal pages of this project. I'm going to avoid politics for a while. I may never touch upon politics. I find that talking to anyone about politics is pointless overall. Either the other person already agrees with you or they never will. Either way, no ground can be made or lost. Arguing with someone in hopes of changing his or her political ideas is about as useful and just as pleasant as punching yourself continuously in the genitals in hopes of a spontaneous change in gender. It's all painful and always a waste of time. Try both if you don't believe me.

I am going to come off as a cynic most of the time, so I guess I'll diffuse any questions of depression or bipolar right now. What many people call cynicism, I usually just call common sense. I think that there is a great advantage in knowing that the world really doesn't give the smallest morsel of hamster shit what happens to you. In my mind, this thought is not depressing, but empowering. It helps one to take responsibility for one's own actions and situations rather than just going with the old standby, "everything happens for a reason." That saying has always gone up my ass a mile but we can discuss that on another day. For today, Day 1, I don't want to focus upon too specific a topic.

In the realm of love and relationships I have a deep well of opinions and many of them are going to make me look like an asshole, I'm sure. Just know that most of the time a small part of you is going to agree with me, motherfucker. Just don't tell your BF/GF and you will be fine. I have found that almost every romantic relationship is built on lies and ego. For today, for the sake of keeping these posts short and easy to digest, I won't go into too much detail on that topic either. Most of us, though, are liars. Usually not pathological liars or even regular scumbags, but we lie just enough to keep the peace and to protect the egos of the ones we love. It's quite cute, really, to observe the difference between where we like to think our moral lines are drawn and where we actually draw them.

So it looks like I'm about to go on to a second page and I'm going to try to avoid that; at least until you get to know me better and when I know that you want to read more in one sitting. Hopefully this has been an effective introduction over the past couple of days. I feel like this is going to be a fun project and the more people that get involved, the more I will post. I'll try to keep things interesting...