Men can often come off as emotional black-holes. This has been the case in our culture for a long time now. Everyone knows that the guys always just want the quick hook up and that the girls always get attached, right? This notion is such bullshit that I have decided to blow the lid off of our whole cover. Here it is: Every man out there is a giant pussy. I don't care who you are or what you have been through; if you have balls, you are a pussy. The thing is, it takes a very specific set of circumstances to bring this fact to light. Guys, just to keep things in perspective; if you picture her fucking someone else and it bothers you, she's already making a baby out of you.
For most people, there is nothing wrong with that feeling. This is how a real relationship usually starts. It doesn't start on the first date or the first time a couple has sex. It doesn't start the first time you get jealous or have a stupid fight. Just because a couple has come to terms with the fact that they are not allowed to fuck other people, it doesn't mean that there is trust on either end. A real relationship starts when being vulnerable feels good. Most relationships don't reach that point due to the fact that most couples spend the majority of their time bullshitting each other and thinking of ways to cope if the other should do something fucked up. Most relationships are like a tandem magic show. Each magician flourishes and deceives the other into believing the legitimacy of each illusion. Most couples break up at a point well before the smoke and mirrors have been cleared and packed away. Others break up after someone glimpses the wire attached to the levitating assistant. Still others stay together after the show to become bored with their off-stage counterparts. Through all of this, real trust is seldom forged.
I have personally reached a point in my life at which vulnerability never fully feels good, and that fact has played a part in turning me into the callous asshole you have been coming to know over the past months. I am not the only one, though. This has happened to countless people and there are new recruits every day. These people have not been purged of emotion or vulnerability; they just keep it so guarded that most will never see it in its full manifestation. It seems that men are quicker to reach this point and become able to compartmentalize the things they want from people. This does not make us less emotionally vulnerable or complex than women; it only makes us harder to reach. Women, just know this: Once you strike a nerve, we can become blubbering pansies as quickly as you can become jealous of a hot waitress with awesome tits.
As an example to prove my angle on this whole thing I want you to envision this scenario: We have a couple (for the sake of this exercise we'll assume it's a guy/girl couple). The guy has a pretty bad cold. We men have a reputation for being total babies when we're sick, but that's not completely true. I'm about to blow up another of our trade secrets. A single sick dude will plow through the day as if he doesn't even know that he feels any different. He will go to work, then come home and play video games and eat some shitty food and then jerk off and go to sleep and then do it all again the next day. The guy with the girlfriend approaches the scenario very differently. A sick dude with a girlfriend becomes a soccer player in the last seconds of a game who gets tripped in the box and needs to draw a card for any chance of tying. With no formal training in drama or theater, a man with a cold can make his girlfriend believe that she could lose him forever to the next embellished sneezing fit. I know this because I am a man and I am no less guilty of this than anyone else. But don't get mad at us for this. While it seems like it's just a ploy for attention, what it really is is a ploy for attention and affection. The cold is the perfect excuse for a guy to stop being macho and let you stroke his head until he falls asleep on your chest like the squishy little baby he really is. Women never need to employ this tactic due to the fact that they are consistently open about their need for affection.
The fact is that some of us, male and female, have done a great job of burying these desires under layers of doubt, distrust, and overall apathy. Some of us have buried this stuff so deep that it would take an oil drill and a pumpjack to extract it. Having things tucked so snugly away can be at the same time empowering and depressing. It's nice to be able to snap your fingers and almost magically stop giving a shit about something, but sometimes such emotional solitude brings dark thoughts. It doesn't take away from one's empathy the way you might think, but it does occasionally stymie one's natural inclination for self-preservation. For this reason, I think it's of paramount importance to try to understand how your own mind works; otherwise you invariably develop self destructive behaviors and habits. I'll stop that train of thought just because I don't want this post to turn into a "How to be an Asshole" clinic.
This whole post stemmed from a conversation I had yesterday. I realized during that conversation that despite the wealth of experience and knowledge we have of how people really work, we still fall back on the old stand-up comedy versions of how men and women work. I'm not a psychologist or a human behavioral expert by any means; I'm just going on my appraisal of what I have seen in people thus far. I think that the reason we accept these simplified synopses of our emotional standings is that it is just easier than actually trying to figure ourselves and each other out.
Sunday, March 31, 2013
Sunday, March 3, 2013
Up and At 'Em
I've been considering my last post and I think I have an idea as to the reason why so many people seem to feel the need to get hitched and knocked up so early on in their lives. The fairy-tale perception of these things starts to wear thin with age. The idea of a wedding in the minds of a 13-year-old girl and a 33-year-old woman are very different. For starters, the one in the mind of the 33-year-old probably doesn't involve Disney characters or even a chariot; and the one in the mind of the 13-year-old most likely doesn't entertain the notion of a possible divorce years into the marriage. As people get older, their expectations from everything in life start to lose grandeur. Potential rock stars become waiters who play bar gigs; potential movie stars become telemarketers who criticize actors; potential professional athletes become retail managers who wake up each day cursing a strained meniscus from junior year; potential doctors and lawyers become big fans of House and Law and Order...
The race to find romance at some point becomes a race against apathy as well. Sometimes if you stop and pay attention you can feel yourself becoming more indifferent with the passage of time. It seems like sometimes the urgency many people feel exists because they want to find love before they stop caring to find it or stop believing in it altogether; so they date. Many spend years doing it. I'm not sure what is worse for one's "love morale"; a string of bad dating experiences or a lack of dating at all. I suppose that all depends on how bad those experiences are. As someone who doesn't "date" in the traditional sense of the word, I can't really cite personal examples of bad dating experiences. I guess I'd have even more to write about if I threw myself into the world of dating but my masochistic tendencies only go so far; and publicly making fun of a string of anonymous girls week after week would eventually get old... Right?
I don't think I'm going to do that, although I always thought it might be fun to hit one of those speed-dating gatherings just to get a chance to look desperation square in the face over and over again for five minutes at a time, but what does someone like me talk about on a speed date? I feel like each conversation would be an intervention in which I inadvertently cock-block the guy behind me by making the girl feel like he is chomping at the bit to jump into my seat and waste her time, just like I'm doing. The difference would be that I wouldn't be lying to her and he most likely would be. I feel like the only honest opening line you could use on a speed date would be; "Hello, I haven't fucked in a while and you probably haven't either. We're both running out of options; do I look like someone you could fuck?" Either that or; "I have kids and my ex is in jail. Is that okay?"
I digress. Back to the point...
On top of jading us to the wonders of romance, time also makes many of us want children. The fact that most things become less exciting as we grow older probably fuels this perceived need. For most parents, milestones in the life of an offspring become the biggest and most cherished moments in their lives. This new-found enthusiasm can serve as a boost to the psyche. Excitement is probably the most effective nullifier of depression that I have found; and what is more exciting for a parent than to see a child's first steps, hear the child's first words, or any part of the plethora of milestones in human development? I sometimes wonder if there is a certain amount of selfishness in raising a good kid... There has to be; and as I sit here pondering that topic I'm realizing that I should probably just dedicate a whole post to it at some point.
At this point in my life I am fairly certain that I don't want children, although I would love a nephew or niece. I'd be a fucking awesome uncle, and I have no problem proclaiming that to the world. The only thing that has stopped me from getting the old "snip snip" is the nagging possibility that I might eventually reach that point at which the only thing that will fulfill me is to see a little half-me climbing the ladder of human growth the way I once did (which actually implies that the little shit would spend his life underachieving and pissing away his talents), so maybe not exactly the way I have done it so far. That couples with the fact that I'm not sure the doc would take too kindly to snipping someone under the age of thirty. I feel like a vasectomy would be an emotional age accelerator. Knowing that my loads had no potential for procreation would be somehow detrimental to my self esteem, I think. I'm also not sure that the perception of a guy in his mid-twenties with a vasectomy would be a good one. So for now I guess my junk stays intact. That's right ladies, I can knock you up. ;)
I guess that a lot of this all comes down to fact that we are all trying to find something to live for. Most people are looking for fulfillment in other people, others have given up on that and turned to more reliable things - generally mood-altering in nature - while still others have given up even on that and checked-out early. Then there are the diamonds in the rough; the happily married with children. To those people I say "congratulations" and I hope that things never change in your world. To the rest of us: you woke up today. Stop bitching.
The race to find romance at some point becomes a race against apathy as well. Sometimes if you stop and pay attention you can feel yourself becoming more indifferent with the passage of time. It seems like sometimes the urgency many people feel exists because they want to find love before they stop caring to find it or stop believing in it altogether; so they date. Many spend years doing it. I'm not sure what is worse for one's "love morale"; a string of bad dating experiences or a lack of dating at all. I suppose that all depends on how bad those experiences are. As someone who doesn't "date" in the traditional sense of the word, I can't really cite personal examples of bad dating experiences. I guess I'd have even more to write about if I threw myself into the world of dating but my masochistic tendencies only go so far; and publicly making fun of a string of anonymous girls week after week would eventually get old... Right?
I don't think I'm going to do that, although I always thought it might be fun to hit one of those speed-dating gatherings just to get a chance to look desperation square in the face over and over again for five minutes at a time, but what does someone like me talk about on a speed date? I feel like each conversation would be an intervention in which I inadvertently cock-block the guy behind me by making the girl feel like he is chomping at the bit to jump into my seat and waste her time, just like I'm doing. The difference would be that I wouldn't be lying to her and he most likely would be. I feel like the only honest opening line you could use on a speed date would be; "Hello, I haven't fucked in a while and you probably haven't either. We're both running out of options; do I look like someone you could fuck?" Either that or; "I have kids and my ex is in jail. Is that okay?"
I digress. Back to the point...
On top of jading us to the wonders of romance, time also makes many of us want children. The fact that most things become less exciting as we grow older probably fuels this perceived need. For most parents, milestones in the life of an offspring become the biggest and most cherished moments in their lives. This new-found enthusiasm can serve as a boost to the psyche. Excitement is probably the most effective nullifier of depression that I have found; and what is more exciting for a parent than to see a child's first steps, hear the child's first words, or any part of the plethora of milestones in human development? I sometimes wonder if there is a certain amount of selfishness in raising a good kid... There has to be; and as I sit here pondering that topic I'm realizing that I should probably just dedicate a whole post to it at some point.
At this point in my life I am fairly certain that I don't want children, although I would love a nephew or niece. I'd be a fucking awesome uncle, and I have no problem proclaiming that to the world. The only thing that has stopped me from getting the old "snip snip" is the nagging possibility that I might eventually reach that point at which the only thing that will fulfill me is to see a little half-me climbing the ladder of human growth the way I once did (which actually implies that the little shit would spend his life underachieving and pissing away his talents), so maybe not exactly the way I have done it so far. That couples with the fact that I'm not sure the doc would take too kindly to snipping someone under the age of thirty. I feel like a vasectomy would be an emotional age accelerator. Knowing that my loads had no potential for procreation would be somehow detrimental to my self esteem, I think. I'm also not sure that the perception of a guy in his mid-twenties with a vasectomy would be a good one. So for now I guess my junk stays intact. That's right ladies, I can knock you up. ;)
I guess that a lot of this all comes down to fact that we are all trying to find something to live for. Most people are looking for fulfillment in other people, others have given up on that and turned to more reliable things - generally mood-altering in nature - while still others have given up even on that and checked-out early. Then there are the diamonds in the rough; the happily married with children. To those people I say "congratulations" and I hope that things never change in your world. To the rest of us: you woke up today. Stop bitching.
Sunday, February 24, 2013
"I'M SO FUCKING EXCITED!!!"
This may be a symptom of some type of antisocial disorder, but I still find it strange that people become so overjoyed to hear that someone has gotten engaged or married. I guess it probably comes from the fact that I have come to feel that taking a relationship to "higher" levels is similar to shoveling mounds of dirt out of your own grave as you stand in it wondering how it keeps getting deeper. A couple of times recently, I have found out that people I know have gotten engaged and the excitement in the air was palpable. The girls were giddy and the guys were chummy... and my stomach was churning, which is probably another warning sign that I might be a bitter asshole. I would never say these things directly to the newly betrothed in their moments of respective glee, of course; but regardless of the level of elation around me I can only feign enthusiasm in these situations. In fact, I am sometimes genuinely confused as to whether to offer congratulations or condolences; especially in situations in which I know both the bride and the groom and the impending news of a breakup was just as likely as news of an engagement.
I think that my personal fear of marriage is a lot deeper and more profound than it should be. I once had a nightmare - a nightmare, not a dream - in which Kristen Bell was chasing me through a building with a fiery resolve to take my hand in marriage. In this nightmare she turned up around every corner in horror movie fashion as I scrambled for an escape. For the duration of the dream I ran from her the way you might run from a chainsaw-wielding grizzly bear on a flaming motorcycle with mounted machine guns; and her only weapons were a pretty smile and a twinkle in her eye that said she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me. I remember that at the end of the dream I thought I had lost her, but as I rounded a corner at the end of a hallway I found her standing and waiting for me alongside a justice of the peace. As she looked into my eyes and started reciting her vows the horror became strong enough to physically wrench me out of my slumber. I realize how ludicrous and how egotistically inflated this nightmare was, but that didn't stop me from waking up short of breath in the cliche cold sweat that comes with all night-terrors. That morning I realized I might have a bit of a problem as far as societal norms are concerned.
I think that one of the most amusing reasons that people break up is that one member of the relationship doesn't seem to care to get married to the other. It's ironic in its simplicity: love me more or I can't love you anymore. It seems to me that this type of ultimatum has more to do with personal insecurity than it does with love. This type of thing seems to come up often in relationships that are already strained in some way. Ultimatums in relationships are generally used to replace lost trust. The fact is that if you have to coerce someone into doing something, that person didn't want to do it in the first place. This goes triple for marriage, sex, chastity, strict bondage, and making someone read your blog.
Life is short (I guess), so I can understand why some people feel a certain urgency in matters of love and family-rearing. I've explained before that I don't believe life is too short so I won't repeat my reasons here, but many people live by the hourglass and make decisions based on how much time they think they have left. I think this can be both good and bad. It helps prod people into developing productive behaviors but it also helps to corral them into situations in which they feel content but not entirely fulfilled for fear of losing solid fixtures in their lives. Almost every day I hear someone say something along the lines of; "well I'm already (insert age here), I gotta (insert plan of action to attain complacency here.)" The inserted age is usually somewhere in the late twenties to early thirties, which should be the prime of your life, not the time to stop moving.
I think that if your prime came in your high-school years, you have seriously deprived yourself as an adult. In your late twenties through your early thirties, you can be as physically and mentally capable as the healthiest senior-year brat while possessing an additional decade of knowledge and life experience. Also, your physical complexion and communicative skills are (hopefully) vastly improved. This is the time to really have the best times of your life. No, you are no longer "young and stupid" in the generally accepted sense, but you are still young and you still have some stupid ideas to get out of your system. The problem here is that most people in this age bracket don't share the same lust for life. Most of them are beginning to crave nights home on the couch with a glass of red wine and an episode of Project Runway. Routine takes precedence over experience, life stagnates, and the years start to rush by at blinding speed.
I guess it just boggles my mind that people expend so much effort to get to a point at which they can stop expending effort. Those of you that have been reading this blog from the beginning might recall this phenomenon as The Great Quest for the Mediocre. There are very few people who simply allow life to happen without wondering about the direction or consequence of every step and every word. There is something to be said for considering the consequences of certain actions but the way I see it, most of us aren't going to matter much once we're gone anyway, so why agonize over every inconsequential piece of minutiae that occurs each day? People sometimes ask me what it is that I have to look forward to in my own life with this attitude. If you have no plans for a family or anything, then what do you even have to look forward to?
I don't know, I guess. I suppose I'll figure that out when I find it. I have found that it's easier to look forward to the little things. I look forward to writing another page of material, a good workout, finishing a new song, having a good sexual experience, having a drink, a good laugh, the notion that Jurassic Park IV might not suck; whatever the next moment of happiness is, I look forward to it. I suppose that seems shortsighted, but it works for me. Looking too far into the future is usually cause for unrest.
On that note, I think I just decided to have a drink. See you next time...
I think that my personal fear of marriage is a lot deeper and more profound than it should be. I once had a nightmare - a nightmare, not a dream - in which Kristen Bell was chasing me through a building with a fiery resolve to take my hand in marriage. In this nightmare she turned up around every corner in horror movie fashion as I scrambled for an escape. For the duration of the dream I ran from her the way you might run from a chainsaw-wielding grizzly bear on a flaming motorcycle with mounted machine guns; and her only weapons were a pretty smile and a twinkle in her eye that said she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me. I remember that at the end of the dream I thought I had lost her, but as I rounded a corner at the end of a hallway I found her standing and waiting for me alongside a justice of the peace. As she looked into my eyes and started reciting her vows the horror became strong enough to physically wrench me out of my slumber. I realize how ludicrous and how egotistically inflated this nightmare was, but that didn't stop me from waking up short of breath in the cliche cold sweat that comes with all night-terrors. That morning I realized I might have a bit of a problem as far as societal norms are concerned.
I think that one of the most amusing reasons that people break up is that one member of the relationship doesn't seem to care to get married to the other. It's ironic in its simplicity: love me more or I can't love you anymore. It seems to me that this type of ultimatum has more to do with personal insecurity than it does with love. This type of thing seems to come up often in relationships that are already strained in some way. Ultimatums in relationships are generally used to replace lost trust. The fact is that if you have to coerce someone into doing something, that person didn't want to do it in the first place. This goes triple for marriage, sex, chastity, strict bondage, and making someone read your blog.
Life is short (I guess), so I can understand why some people feel a certain urgency in matters of love and family-rearing. I've explained before that I don't believe life is too short so I won't repeat my reasons here, but many people live by the hourglass and make decisions based on how much time they think they have left. I think this can be both good and bad. It helps prod people into developing productive behaviors but it also helps to corral them into situations in which they feel content but not entirely fulfilled for fear of losing solid fixtures in their lives. Almost every day I hear someone say something along the lines of; "well I'm already (insert age here), I gotta (insert plan of action to attain complacency here.)" The inserted age is usually somewhere in the late twenties to early thirties, which should be the prime of your life, not the time to stop moving.
I think that if your prime came in your high-school years, you have seriously deprived yourself as an adult. In your late twenties through your early thirties, you can be as physically and mentally capable as the healthiest senior-year brat while possessing an additional decade of knowledge and life experience. Also, your physical complexion and communicative skills are (hopefully) vastly improved. This is the time to really have the best times of your life. No, you are no longer "young and stupid" in the generally accepted sense, but you are still young and you still have some stupid ideas to get out of your system. The problem here is that most people in this age bracket don't share the same lust for life. Most of them are beginning to crave nights home on the couch with a glass of red wine and an episode of Project Runway. Routine takes precedence over experience, life stagnates, and the years start to rush by at blinding speed.
I guess it just boggles my mind that people expend so much effort to get to a point at which they can stop expending effort. Those of you that have been reading this blog from the beginning might recall this phenomenon as The Great Quest for the Mediocre. There are very few people who simply allow life to happen without wondering about the direction or consequence of every step and every word. There is something to be said for considering the consequences of certain actions but the way I see it, most of us aren't going to matter much once we're gone anyway, so why agonize over every inconsequential piece of minutiae that occurs each day? People sometimes ask me what it is that I have to look forward to in my own life with this attitude. If you have no plans for a family or anything, then what do you even have to look forward to?
I don't know, I guess. I suppose I'll figure that out when I find it. I have found that it's easier to look forward to the little things. I look forward to writing another page of material, a good workout, finishing a new song, having a good sexual experience, having a drink, a good laugh, the notion that Jurassic Park IV might not suck; whatever the next moment of happiness is, I look forward to it. I suppose that seems shortsighted, but it works for me. Looking too far into the future is usually cause for unrest.
On that note, I think I just decided to have a drink. See you next time...
Sunday, February 17, 2013
So You Just Die, and That's It?
I talk a lot about ego. I think that many of the beliefs that still endure in our society initially stemmed from a misunderstanding of the workings of nature and have survived due to the fact that our egos won't let us believe that we don't matter as much as we like to think we do. As human beings, we tend to assume that we are more important than everything else around us. This has been true for many thousands of years and doesn't look like it is going to change any time soon. This is partly arrogance and partly a survival method. Any species in nature places its own existence on a pedestal above everything else.This ensures that that species is able to survive and repopulate.
We, as human beings, seem to think that we are on some sort of elevated plane of existence. We look to higher powers to help us through trivial ordeals. We invent afterlives and guardian angels in order to help us cope with the fact that we won't be on this planet forever. We talk about death as if it is just a doorway to the next plane where await untold riches and untainted happiness. The thought of non-existence is far too heavy for the average ego to handle, so we need to know that there is something afterward. While we can do nothing to comprehend infinity we also accept for ourselves nothing less than eternity. It's almost pompous in its irony.
I would never tell anyone in person not to believe in something that helps him or her through the day, so I won't do it here either. My issue comes when someone asks, point blank, whether someone believes in God, Heaven, or any other power from on high and will not take a simple "no" for an answer. The motivation for asking such a question is usually one of two things; the first is that someone wants to know whether or not to attempt to raise children with you and the other is to set you up for a life-changing enlightenment. Your answer is never the end of a conversation, but the first step in a gauntlet of questions.
The first question is usually about how things began. I like to humor the inquisitor by rattling off the perfunctory, "Big Bang." This is not because I want to have a discussion about the origins of the cosmos, but because it inevitably leads back to the same arrogant question every time. "Oh yeah? Well where did the big bang come from?" Guess what. I don't know. Nobody really does, and that's okay because nobody was fucking there when it happened. We don't know exactly what color a tyrannosaurus might have been either, but you are just fine with letting your kid go on coloring the fucker green in his coloring book.
Some people will also bring up the multitude of stories of people who, on the brink of death, have seen visions of angels and dead relatives. They argue that many of these people see a very similar vision. This must mean that these stories are proof of an afterlife. These people were in the throes of death and saw things that matched closely to one another, how do you explain that? This one is a little trickier than a simple "I don't know." It has been shown that the brain can remain active after the heart stops beating and that in this time our REM functions (the activities in our brain that cause dreams) can activate and even spill over into the waking moments as a person is brought back from perceived death, creating the feeling of being in the real world and the dream at the same time until full wakefulness occurs. There are articles and even books written on this phenomenon and many are quite interesting so I won't go into any kind of detail here. (Really I just don't want to have to site sources of specific quotes.) The fact that many of these people see similar visions is simple. If everyone that reads this closes their eyes and imagines "approaching the light," chances are that we all see things that are fairly comparable.
The need to have an explaination for everything is one of the most rewarding yet taxing qualities of our species. It has caused us to dig deeply into the micro as well as the macro and discover amazing things throughout history, but it has also left room for us to fill in the blanks where we like. Giants that cause volcanic eruptions to punish impure villages and chariots that carry the sun across the sky each day are among some of our ancestors' "explanations" for the natural events around us. Why certain "explanations" have survived while others have fallen into the realm of mythology is lost on me, but someone out there surely has an explanation. It seems that most of our remaining supernatural beliefs are applied to death. Just the word "supernatural" conjures thoughts of ghosts and demons, though its definition is much more broad.
The underlying reason, in my immaterial opinion, is that even with all that we have conquered and all that we have achieved as a species we still have not found a universally accepted way to cope with our own mortality. I think that this comes back full circle to the fact that our egos won't let us believe that we will not somehow carry on to another life or another existence after this one. Our egos and our fears will not let us simply end.
We, as human beings, seem to think that we are on some sort of elevated plane of existence. We look to higher powers to help us through trivial ordeals. We invent afterlives and guardian angels in order to help us cope with the fact that we won't be on this planet forever. We talk about death as if it is just a doorway to the next plane where await untold riches and untainted happiness. The thought of non-existence is far too heavy for the average ego to handle, so we need to know that there is something afterward. While we can do nothing to comprehend infinity we also accept for ourselves nothing less than eternity. It's almost pompous in its irony.
I would never tell anyone in person not to believe in something that helps him or her through the day, so I won't do it here either. My issue comes when someone asks, point blank, whether someone believes in God, Heaven, or any other power from on high and will not take a simple "no" for an answer. The motivation for asking such a question is usually one of two things; the first is that someone wants to know whether or not to attempt to raise children with you and the other is to set you up for a life-changing enlightenment. Your answer is never the end of a conversation, but the first step in a gauntlet of questions.
The first question is usually about how things began. I like to humor the inquisitor by rattling off the perfunctory, "Big Bang." This is not because I want to have a discussion about the origins of the cosmos, but because it inevitably leads back to the same arrogant question every time. "Oh yeah? Well where did the big bang come from?" Guess what. I don't know. Nobody really does, and that's okay because nobody was fucking there when it happened. We don't know exactly what color a tyrannosaurus might have been either, but you are just fine with letting your kid go on coloring the fucker green in his coloring book.
Some people will also bring up the multitude of stories of people who, on the brink of death, have seen visions of angels and dead relatives. They argue that many of these people see a very similar vision. This must mean that these stories are proof of an afterlife. These people were in the throes of death and saw things that matched closely to one another, how do you explain that? This one is a little trickier than a simple "I don't know." It has been shown that the brain can remain active after the heart stops beating and that in this time our REM functions (the activities in our brain that cause dreams) can activate and even spill over into the waking moments as a person is brought back from perceived death, creating the feeling of being in the real world and the dream at the same time until full wakefulness occurs. There are articles and even books written on this phenomenon and many are quite interesting so I won't go into any kind of detail here. (Really I just don't want to have to site sources of specific quotes.) The fact that many of these people see similar visions is simple. If everyone that reads this closes their eyes and imagines "approaching the light," chances are that we all see things that are fairly comparable.
The need to have an explaination for everything is one of the most rewarding yet taxing qualities of our species. It has caused us to dig deeply into the micro as well as the macro and discover amazing things throughout history, but it has also left room for us to fill in the blanks where we like. Giants that cause volcanic eruptions to punish impure villages and chariots that carry the sun across the sky each day are among some of our ancestors' "explanations" for the natural events around us. Why certain "explanations" have survived while others have fallen into the realm of mythology is lost on me, but someone out there surely has an explanation. It seems that most of our remaining supernatural beliefs are applied to death. Just the word "supernatural" conjures thoughts of ghosts and demons, though its definition is much more broad.
The underlying reason, in my immaterial opinion, is that even with all that we have conquered and all that we have achieved as a species we still have not found a universally accepted way to cope with our own mortality. I think that this comes back full circle to the fact that our egos won't let us believe that we will not somehow carry on to another life or another existence after this one. Our egos and our fears will not let us simply end.
Sunday, February 10, 2013
Stationary Cyclists
Much of life tends to happen in cycles. There are small cycles of behavior and consequence such as having your coffee and subsequently passing a soft and healthy stool, or having a good orgasm and subsequently falling into a restful and beatific slumber. These cycles have a quick turnover and tend to happen every day or at least more than once a week. Then, there are the larger cyclical events. These are the things like relationships, stints at various places of employment, and lifestyle changes.
The first time in your life that one of these large cycles comes to an end, it can seem like the end of life itself. The first hit many of us take is the death of a grandparent or other relative. This is the first time most people are faced with mortality and the fact that nothing that is here one day is guaranteed to be there the next. The first time this realization hits you, your life changes. You become more observant and appreciative of the things around you. After a while though, the smaller cycles in your daily life work to mend the damage caused by the snapping of the larger one. Then, eventually you are in the midst of the next large cycle.
Let's assume that this next cycle is a relationship. This one is interesting because within the large cycle of a relationship, there are a number of smaller cycles that seem universal to all relationships. You can almost classify the stages of an average relationship in the same way you can classify the five stages of grieving.
1.) Eagerness- In this stage, there is an intense curiosity and a need to get closer to the object of one's cupidity. Any action taken by target individual is cause for celebration and further study and/or inquiry. This is the time where nervousness is at its height due to the deliberate aloofness often projected by both involved parties. Phone numbers are generally exchanged in this stage.
2.) Excitement- This stage is the most dangerous and deceptive and should be traversed with great awareness and objectivity. In this stage, almost every thought and action throughout the day somehow comes back to the cause of one's new-found tender itch. It is easy and almost automatic to overlook things that one does not like about the target in this stage. The target must remain perfect in the eyes of the subject for fear that the previous three to six weeks have been wasted and that the initial eagerness was unfounded. Often the subject will also assume that the undesirable qualities of the target will wane with the passage of time.
3.) Comfort- This is where most of us start to fall into the real trap. At this point, the two subjects have learned each other's faults to a point and are not afraid to fight from time to time. At this stage the word "love" has been used but only at times when it was accompanied by a real feeling of love. Sometimes, in fervent moments, "love" can even be accompanied by curse words, as in "I fucking love you" whispered with heated breath into the ear of a partner. The word still means the world to either subject when uttered. Given all of these things, the excitement has mostly worn off and the pair has gotten to know each other quite well, eliminating any mystique or curiosity. Sexual experimentation is implemented in order to keep things interesting. The subjects in this stage will do each other's laundry and brush their teeth in the bathroom while the other uses the toilet only feet away.
4.) Lassitude- The couple fights more often and regularly finds reasons to do things without each other. By this point, the couple usually lives together and has discussed or even proposed marriage. Nitpicking increases greatly from the comfort stage as the reality of each other's invariable presence sets in. Moving in together didn't really make things any better, but getting married surely will. If that doesn't work, the couple can always fall back on having a baby in order to patch things up. Great effort is still expended to keep things civil or even pleasant in the household, though most conversations cover only topics that affect financial standing and directional tendency of the relationship. A breakup is not discussed for fear that a breakup would mean that the previous six months to two or more years have been a waste of time, energy, and money. Sex is reserved for times of pure necessity. The word "love" is still used frequently, but its use is no longer accompanied by the same feeling. It is generally used at the conclusion of phone conversations and before departing each other's company for the day in order to keep any suspicion of loss of interest at bay. Forgetting to cap a conversation with, "love you," will likely result in an immediate, concerned callback.
5.) Apathy- At this point, the relationship is well past its expiration date but the parties will not openly say it to each other. The fear of having wasted time in the relationship begins to take a backseat to the fear of wasting more time. The word "love" is spouted as compulsory habit and is barely heard when said. At this point, each of the members of the relationship may be experiencing Stage 1 or even stage 2 with someone outside of the relationship. Once the breakup occurs, the stages of grieving kick in at a rudimentary level as at least one subject from the couple analyzes the entire relationship in search of what went wrong and when it happened. Many times, Stage 1 with someone new will sneak up on the subject in this vulnerable state and dull the pain or even eliminate it altogether as Stage 2 approaches at a blistering pace. The previous relationship is chalked up as a learning experience as the new, superior one grows. So ends and begins the most common "large cycle" in most of our lives, The Relationship.
I think that recognizing the fact that these cycles exist is paramount to moving forward when one of them ends. It also helps to prevent falling immediately into identical situations back-to-back. Also, if you are currently deep into stage 1 or 2, you will probably think that stages 3-5 are bullshit even if they have happened to you before. Well, there are anomalies in the universe and your relationship may be one of them. I never said that some couples don't work out in the long run; this is merely my own pseudoscientific analysis of the average relationship.
This post wasn't initially going to be solely about relationships but to cover more than this in one post would probably feel more like homework than entertainment to read, so until next time; stay predictable, San Diego.
The first time in your life that one of these large cycles comes to an end, it can seem like the end of life itself. The first hit many of us take is the death of a grandparent or other relative. This is the first time most people are faced with mortality and the fact that nothing that is here one day is guaranteed to be there the next. The first time this realization hits you, your life changes. You become more observant and appreciative of the things around you. After a while though, the smaller cycles in your daily life work to mend the damage caused by the snapping of the larger one. Then, eventually you are in the midst of the next large cycle.
Let's assume that this next cycle is a relationship. This one is interesting because within the large cycle of a relationship, there are a number of smaller cycles that seem universal to all relationships. You can almost classify the stages of an average relationship in the same way you can classify the five stages of grieving.
1.) Eagerness- In this stage, there is an intense curiosity and a need to get closer to the object of one's cupidity. Any action taken by target individual is cause for celebration and further study and/or inquiry. This is the time where nervousness is at its height due to the deliberate aloofness often projected by both involved parties. Phone numbers are generally exchanged in this stage.
2.) Excitement- This stage is the most dangerous and deceptive and should be traversed with great awareness and objectivity. In this stage, almost every thought and action throughout the day somehow comes back to the cause of one's new-found tender itch. It is easy and almost automatic to overlook things that one does not like about the target in this stage. The target must remain perfect in the eyes of the subject for fear that the previous three to six weeks have been wasted and that the initial eagerness was unfounded. Often the subject will also assume that the undesirable qualities of the target will wane with the passage of time.
3.) Comfort- This is where most of us start to fall into the real trap. At this point, the two subjects have learned each other's faults to a point and are not afraid to fight from time to time. At this stage the word "love" has been used but only at times when it was accompanied by a real feeling of love. Sometimes, in fervent moments, "love" can even be accompanied by curse words, as in "I fucking love you" whispered with heated breath into the ear of a partner. The word still means the world to either subject when uttered. Given all of these things, the excitement has mostly worn off and the pair has gotten to know each other quite well, eliminating any mystique or curiosity. Sexual experimentation is implemented in order to keep things interesting. The subjects in this stage will do each other's laundry and brush their teeth in the bathroom while the other uses the toilet only feet away.
4.) Lassitude- The couple fights more often and regularly finds reasons to do things without each other. By this point, the couple usually lives together and has discussed or even proposed marriage. Nitpicking increases greatly from the comfort stage as the reality of each other's invariable presence sets in. Moving in together didn't really make things any better, but getting married surely will. If that doesn't work, the couple can always fall back on having a baby in order to patch things up. Great effort is still expended to keep things civil or even pleasant in the household, though most conversations cover only topics that affect financial standing and directional tendency of the relationship. A breakup is not discussed for fear that a breakup would mean that the previous six months to two or more years have been a waste of time, energy, and money. Sex is reserved for times of pure necessity. The word "love" is still used frequently, but its use is no longer accompanied by the same feeling. It is generally used at the conclusion of phone conversations and before departing each other's company for the day in order to keep any suspicion of loss of interest at bay. Forgetting to cap a conversation with, "love you," will likely result in an immediate, concerned callback.
5.) Apathy- At this point, the relationship is well past its expiration date but the parties will not openly say it to each other. The fear of having wasted time in the relationship begins to take a backseat to the fear of wasting more time. The word "love" is spouted as compulsory habit and is barely heard when said. At this point, each of the members of the relationship may be experiencing Stage 1 or even stage 2 with someone outside of the relationship. Once the breakup occurs, the stages of grieving kick in at a rudimentary level as at least one subject from the couple analyzes the entire relationship in search of what went wrong and when it happened. Many times, Stage 1 with someone new will sneak up on the subject in this vulnerable state and dull the pain or even eliminate it altogether as Stage 2 approaches at a blistering pace. The previous relationship is chalked up as a learning experience as the new, superior one grows. So ends and begins the most common "large cycle" in most of our lives, The Relationship.
I think that recognizing the fact that these cycles exist is paramount to moving forward when one of them ends. It also helps to prevent falling immediately into identical situations back-to-back. Also, if you are currently deep into stage 1 or 2, you will probably think that stages 3-5 are bullshit even if they have happened to you before. Well, there are anomalies in the universe and your relationship may be one of them. I never said that some couples don't work out in the long run; this is merely my own pseudoscientific analysis of the average relationship.
This post wasn't initially going to be solely about relationships but to cover more than this in one post would probably feel more like homework than entertainment to read, so until next time; stay predictable, San Diego.
Friday, February 8, 2013
Let's Get On With It...
Well, here I am, back in the blogosphere (not going to spell check that. I still hate the word "blog" and continue to pretentiously refer to my posts as "articles.") My computer shit the bed late last year and thanks to a gracious and caring ex, here sits in front of me a functional laptop. Thank you MLN. I'm going to start by saying thank you to anyone who in the past couple of months has either approached me or messaged me with anything along the lines of, "yo, what's up with the fuckin' blog, kid?" I really do appreciate it and I'm glad that some people, however few, actually missed my weekly drivel.
As you probably gathered from the previous paragraph, my hiatus included a breakup. I won't bore you with details, so fucking relax. I only mention it because now my thoughts will truly be coming from this side of the fence again; not that any of my opinions have changed, it's just that now I can laugh at the suckers who still claw through heaps of douchebags in search a soul mate from the same field of play rather than from the box seats. Hello you single assholes, where do I get my two-month chip? Is there such a thing? Being rewarded just feels so special. <3
Thanks to my new status, I have been re-exposed to things I haven't really dealt with in a couple of years. For instance, I have been reminded on a good number of occasions how much of a turn-off a sloppily drunk girl can be. It boggles my mind how many guys are on the lookout for the most clearly fucked-sideways chick at the bar. I personally cannot keep it up for a chick that needs help figuring out which end she is supposed to pee out of, but maybe I'm just picky. I think that for most guys it comes from the lack of desire to put in any conversational effort with a prospective co-boot knocker. I once saw a friend (who will remain nameless) approach a group of six women. He proceeded to strike up what I assumed was supposed to be a conversation with his top prospect. From that distance I couldn't hear what was said, but her face told me that he had probably asked her if she would like to slurp dog shit from an ice cream cone. This was then repeated with the other five women in the group in fairly rapid succession. In short, he was rejected by six different women without moving his feet. At that level of frustration, I can only imagine how enticing it must be to approach a girl that might be sloshed enough to consider the shit-cone.
I've also been reintroduced to the post-club walking-back-to-the-car girls. I forgot about this phenomenon for a while. It's quite a sad visual most of the time. They are usually mere shells of the strong, sturdy and sexy women they had been on the way to the club. They still travel in tight groups but at this point in the evening, each of them has given up on her shoes. They always seem to be moving as quickly as they possibly can while employing a haphazard team-carry technique on the one that drank too much to care about blisters. The reason for this haste is presumably to escape the incessant barrage of questions like; yo, what's good? and you trying to chill? from surrounding males. Those currently seem to be the go-to, last-ditch do you wanna fuck or not? lines that I hear as distance is created between lamb and wolf after the bar closes.
It should be fun to watch these types of events unfold around me while I count more emerging reasons not to give a shit for the struggles of the vigilantly single. See you Sunday...
As you probably gathered from the previous paragraph, my hiatus included a breakup. I won't bore you with details, so fucking relax. I only mention it because now my thoughts will truly be coming from this side of the fence again; not that any of my opinions have changed, it's just that now I can laugh at the suckers who still claw through heaps of douchebags in search a soul mate from the same field of play rather than from the box seats. Hello you single assholes, where do I get my two-month chip? Is there such a thing? Being rewarded just feels so special. <3
Thanks to my new status, I have been re-exposed to things I haven't really dealt with in a couple of years. For instance, I have been reminded on a good number of occasions how much of a turn-off a sloppily drunk girl can be. It boggles my mind how many guys are on the lookout for the most clearly fucked-sideways chick at the bar. I personally cannot keep it up for a chick that needs help figuring out which end she is supposed to pee out of, but maybe I'm just picky. I think that for most guys it comes from the lack of desire to put in any conversational effort with a prospective co-boot knocker. I once saw a friend (who will remain nameless) approach a group of six women. He proceeded to strike up what I assumed was supposed to be a conversation with his top prospect. From that distance I couldn't hear what was said, but her face told me that he had probably asked her if she would like to slurp dog shit from an ice cream cone. This was then repeated with the other five women in the group in fairly rapid succession. In short, he was rejected by six different women without moving his feet. At that level of frustration, I can only imagine how enticing it must be to approach a girl that might be sloshed enough to consider the shit-cone.
I've also been reintroduced to the post-club walking-back-to-the-car girls. I forgot about this phenomenon for a while. It's quite a sad visual most of the time. They are usually mere shells of the strong, sturdy and sexy women they had been on the way to the club. They still travel in tight groups but at this point in the evening, each of them has given up on her shoes. They always seem to be moving as quickly as they possibly can while employing a haphazard team-carry technique on the one that drank too much to care about blisters. The reason for this haste is presumably to escape the incessant barrage of questions like; yo, what's good? and you trying to chill? from surrounding males. Those currently seem to be the go-to, last-ditch do you wanna fuck or not? lines that I hear as distance is created between lamb and wolf after the bar closes.
It should be fun to watch these types of events unfold around me while I count more emerging reasons not to give a shit for the struggles of the vigilantly single. See you Sunday...
Sunday, December 9, 2012
"Did You Hear About ___ and ___?!"
Every day it becomes more and more apparent to me that most people are more excited about finding out what happens in the lives of other people than they are about making things happen in their own lives. Or maybe the word isn't "excited," maybe the word I'm looking for is "capable." People are certainly more capable of being nosy than they are of being productive. I think gossip makes me loathe people more than violence does. Not because it makes me angry that people talk about trivialities in other people's lives, but because it further solidifies my lack of faith in the intellect of the general population. I occasionally come to a point where I can look around and start to actually like a good portion of the population around me. Sometimes this feeling can even last more than a day or two. Reality eventually creeps back to the forefront, though.
I say that gossip kills my faith in people. It's not that there is any reason to believe that people won't jabber about any "secret" they get their hands on; that is to be expected. What kills me is that so many people LIVE to find out as many dirty little things as they can about as many people as they can. It makes me realize how simple most minds really are. It almost makes me want to stop using punctuation in this blog. Maybe I can broaden my audience if I dumb things down a bit. Maybe I'll even just start posting vague and frustrated status updates instead. Don't worry, they'd be about someone you know. That's what's interesting, right?
It's my belief that every person needs to have a thing in his or her life that trumps everything and everyone else. That thing could be art, music, athletics, blowing fucking nose-bubbles in the mirror; anything. The minute you can stop and realize that you are more interested in gossip than you are in your thing, it's time to re-evaluate your perception of what is important to you. You are wasting a lot of time while other people do things.
Jesus, this whole post is starting to sound like one big angsty status update. I'm gonna slow down before I start to derail.
Please, all of you, make sure that you have something in your life that is important to you. I'm not talking about boyfriends and girlfriends either; those should take second place at best. The only thing that could possibly trump your thing would be your child. I'm talking about something that is just for you. Get good at something and you will care a lot less about what other people are doing, I promise. It seems like most people with real talent, hobbies, or children seem not to give much of a shit for gossip, although there are obviously exceptions to every rule. I think that you can often tell whether or not an individual has interests of any substance by observing how interested he or she is in other people.
Get a life if you don't have one, folks (and I mean that in the most constructive and nicest way possible); if not for your own sake, then for the sake of our collective intelligence.
I say that gossip kills my faith in people. It's not that there is any reason to believe that people won't jabber about any "secret" they get their hands on; that is to be expected. What kills me is that so many people LIVE to find out as many dirty little things as they can about as many people as they can. It makes me realize how simple most minds really are. It almost makes me want to stop using punctuation in this blog. Maybe I can broaden my audience if I dumb things down a bit. Maybe I'll even just start posting vague and frustrated status updates instead. Don't worry, they'd be about someone you know. That's what's interesting, right?
It's my belief that every person needs to have a thing in his or her life that trumps everything and everyone else. That thing could be art, music, athletics, blowing fucking nose-bubbles in the mirror; anything. The minute you can stop and realize that you are more interested in gossip than you are in your thing, it's time to re-evaluate your perception of what is important to you. You are wasting a lot of time while other people do things.
Jesus, this whole post is starting to sound like one big angsty status update. I'm gonna slow down before I start to derail.
Please, all of you, make sure that you have something in your life that is important to you. I'm not talking about boyfriends and girlfriends either; those should take second place at best. The only thing that could possibly trump your thing would be your child. I'm talking about something that is just for you. Get good at something and you will care a lot less about what other people are doing, I promise. It seems like most people with real talent, hobbies, or children seem not to give much of a shit for gossip, although there are obviously exceptions to every rule. I think that you can often tell whether or not an individual has interests of any substance by observing how interested he or she is in other people.
Get a life if you don't have one, folks (and I mean that in the most constructive and nicest way possible); if not for your own sake, then for the sake of our collective intelligence.
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